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  "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"
Edmund Burke

e B a y - L a n d

T h e       G a m e ™
a parody

G l o s s a r y

../

AuctionBytes - A free, on-line independent trade publication for online merchants. Web address is http://www.auctionbytes.com/. This periodic e-newsletter, published by Ina Steiner, covers much more than just eBay.

Auction Listing - A typical eBay transaction where one person, the seller, lists an item for sale to potential buyers. The typical auction begins upon listing and continues for a fixed number of days, 3, 5 or 7.

    BIN (Buy It Now) - an auction feature where the seller sets an imediate purchase price whereby the potential buyers can purchase the item outright instead of bidding at auction and waiting for the auction to end.

China - a mythical place far, far away, where an eBay seller can list for free (or deeply discounted listings) without fear of having listings terminated for trademark or copyright violations. A place where the eBay listing rules don't apply because eBay wants to encourage developing markets.

Bill Cobb - President of eBay.

Computer glitch - term used when a company spokesperson blames the computer software for failure when the actual failure belongs to the programming department and the management team that approved the flawed programming change without adequate testing.

Easter Egg - In computer programming, special code hidden in the program that does unexpected things. In legalese, weasel-wording embedded in a contract that produces results unexpected by the signer. "Not that we would ever actually use this", said one eBay lawyer, trying to hide his smirk.

eBay Live! - annual eBay-sponsored convention where eBay staff (all wearing blinders) spend the entire time pretending there is nothing wrong with eBay. A great opportunity for eBayers everywhere to over-pay to stand in long lines to hear self-serving tripe and receive schlock.

    eBay Express - A replacement marketing approach heavily promoted by eBay to minimize the effects of eBay Store listings. By manipulating the eBay search engine, eBay has the Express listings appear long before the store listings, if you can find the store listings.

    eBay Stores - A successful marketing approach heavily promoted by eBay and then orphaned. In an attempt to revive its core auction base, and generate higher revenues, eBay took steps to minimize the effects of the successful eBay Store listings but did not eliminate them.

Feature Listing - one of many eBay auction enhancements designed to draw attention to the listing and fatten the wallets of eBay stockholders.

Feedback - system by which eBay sellers and buyers can rate each other. Originally there were three categories: POSITIVE, meaning satisfied, NEUTRAL, meaning so-so or not sure, and NEGATIVE, meaning unhappy or unsatisfied. Only one feedback from a seller/buyer counts towards a member's rating (UNIQUE feedbacks).eBay has recently (2007) deemed NEUTRAL to mean NEGATIVE when evaluating sellers as a Non-Performing Seller while totally ignoring repeat POSITIVEs as a factor.

       

Fee-avoidance - charging a lot for shipping while selling items cheaply. eBay doesn't get a percentage of shipping and handling fees.

Get IT on eBay - What appears to be the first in a series of failed advertising slogans foisted on the public by eBay.

    Gift Icon - one of many eBay auction enhancements designed to draw attention to the listing and fatten the wallets of eBay stockholders.

Hall Of Shame - Tabberone's web pages dedicated to those persons, companies, law firms and others, who engage in what Tabberone believes to be unethical, illegal, and criminal behavior in regard to copyright and trademark issues.

INR (Item Not Received) - Buyer files with paypal in an attempt to retrieve funds. Buyer is never heard from again after seller provides Delivery Confirmation number showing item delivered.

Listing - the slang description for any item posted for sale on the eBay Auction Site. A "listing" can be the traditional auction, in an eBay store, or any of the many formats eBay invents to improve cash flow.

Listing violation - violating one of eBay's myriad of endless and incomprehensible rules and policies that even eBay doesn't understand.

Live Help - A difficult to locate link on eBay that takes one to a live chat link where one expects to actually get help. Live Help often experiences high call volume and extended waits for the wrong answer.

NARU (Not A Registered User) - term for a buyer or seller who has cancelled their affiliation with eBay or has been suspended by eBay.

Non-Performing Seller - according to a formula that only eBay understands, a non-performing seller is a seller whose positve/negative feedback ratio falls below a set percentage, regardless of circumstances

Non-Performing Seller Restrictions - eBay restricts an NPS to a percentage of listings for a variable amount of time. The percentage and the amount of time depend upon factors that eBay will not disclose. Typically, the first restriction will limit a sell to 75% of their listings for 30 days.

PayPal - A secure, on-line payment method. Paypal was purchased by eBay and is one of the few "allowed" payments methods allowed on the site that is only a venue. It is now required that a newly registered seller offer paypal (this is another mandatory eBay rule designed to protect the buyers. How did we survive before we had eBay to tell us how to act?).

PEZ dispenser - eBay started as a web site where PEZ collectors could buy, sell and trade amongst themselves.

PINK - Posting Board slang for eBay employees who are readily identified by their PINK banner. They have unlimited power to make decisions and never have to justify them. PINK also stands for "Powerful Individual with No Klue". Their favorite word is "proprietary", as in "that information is proprietary". It is their catch-all escape clause wherein they avoid answering questions and having to supply logical answers. Most use a pseudonym rather than give the sellers a klue as to what their real name might be. Since they almost always only sign just a first name, why use a pseudonym?

Posting Board - eBay maintains a number of chat boards where members can "post" questions about something, or reply to questions.

    Power Seller - An eBay seller who averages over $1,000 a month in sales for three months or more. There are three levels of Power Seller: BRONZE, the lowest level, over $1,000 a month; SILVER, over $3,000 a month; GOLD, over $10,000 a month. Some buyers resent power sellers which is why some sellers refuse to accept the icon.

proprietary - The dictionary meaning for proprietary is something that is secret or privileged. When this term is used by the eBay staff it means "we have no idea what we are doing and you want us to tell you?" When the eBay staff are asked to justify a statement or decision that is contradictory to eBay rules, practices, or common logic, they declare that information to be proprietary. eBay staffers use it to evade the truth: there is no logical or legal basis for their answer because the answer they gave was pulled out of their collective ass. Corporate lawyers use the expression in attempts to limit discovery.

Public Citizen Litigation Group - A Washington D.C.-based non-profit that defends free speech on the internet. Their web site is http://www.citizen.org.

Search Engine - Computer program designed to search eBay listings for item desired. Frequently "upgraded" by eBay (meaning it doesn't work any more) during heaviest buying and selling times.

Selling Manager Pro ("SMPro") - software provides (at a cost) by eBay that provides "product inventory and automation features to support high volume or small business sellers".

    Shop Victoriously - The latest idiotic eBay advertising scheme professionally supported by equally idiotic Shop Victoriously television commercials. Some advertising firm is making a lot of money from eBay.

Skype - An on-line communications method. Skype was purchased by eBay in late 2005 for 2.6 billion dollars (yes, Virginia, that's billion, not million, dollars) and overnight it became an immediate failure after years of sucess. Originally, Skype offered high-quality voice communications to anyone with an Internet connection anywhere in the world. eBay had other plans. In late 2007 eBay took a $1.4 billion charge to reflect the impairment of goodwill arising from the acquisition.

SNAD (Significantly Not As Described) - What a buyer can claim to PayPal to get out of paying for an item.

Sniped - Sniping is when a buyer waits to place a bid until an auction has only a few seconds remaining.

Store Listing - A seller maintains an eBay Store where the seller can list items for sale at a fixed price instead of the traditional auction. The typical store listing can be from 30 days to forever. Once heavily promoted by eBay, store listings are now treated like orphans.

TabberOne - Pronounced tab-ber-won. eBay ID of Karen Dudnikov, co-originator of this game. Tabberone is considered by many to be knowledgeable concerning eBay VeRO issues.

TameBay - A British-based web site that helps you "find your way around the world's largest marketplace". It's web site is located at http://www.tamebay.com/.

ToolHaus - A free web site that offers free information gathering tools for the eBay buyer and the eBay seller. Invaluable for tracking feedback, etc, and potential problems. It's web site is located at http://www.toolhaus.org/.

Trust & Safety Board - one of many chat boards hosted by eBay. Some are open to the public for posting; most require one be a registered eBay user. Some are monitored by eBay groups and have enrollment requirements.

Turbo Lister - Computer program supplied free by eBay to assist eBay sellers in uploading auction and store listings. Like the Search Engine, it is "upgraded" whenever it is working correctly, causing malfunctioning listings and inserting unwanted "default" listing information that has been newly created without warning.

Upgrade - In the world of eBay, upgrade means to take a feature that is working perfectly fine and break it. This is usually followed by eBay denying any upgrade has been made and therefore eBay is not responsible for any screw-ups. Sellers annually ask eBay not to make any "upgrades" just before the fall holiday shopping season. eBay, of course, waits until then to roll-out "enhancements".

VeRO Program - program by which owners of intellectual property rights can enforce those rights on eBay. Also used as a verb as in, "I've been VeRO'd". eBay will not help a seller who has been VeRO'd and will suspend a seller who is repeat "offender" while pointedly ignoring improper and illegal VeRO takedowns. It has been estimated that as high as 30% of VeRO "takedowns" are invalid or unjustifed. eBay does not "verify" the claimed rights.

VeRO Takedown - What happens when a VeRO member notifies eBay that someone's auction is infringing. The VeRO member is not required to provide proof of IP ownership, or provide the lister with an explanation of why the listing was removed, or a legal basis for demanding the takedown. No VeRO member has ever been punished for misusing the VeRO Program although one study estimated an abuse rate of about 30%.

Meg Whitman - CEO of eBay.

This is not a licensed eBay or PayPal product. It is however, inspired by the antics of the staffs of both companies and real situations that have happened (we could not make up all of this, folks!). e B a y - L a n d T h e G a m e ™ (a parody) is not affiliated with or sponsored by eBay or PayPal. It is the sole creation of Tabberone with a little help from her friends. PayPal and IT are registered trademarks wholly owned by eBay, who, after acquiring MicroSoft, Boeing, Time-Warner, AOL, AT&T, the NFL, Disney, CBS, and GOOGLE, will seek world domination.

For those who might be slow to catch on, this is a Par-o-dy. We typed this   r-e-a-l   s-l-o-w   because lawyers may be reading this. All contents are © 2007 by Karen Dudnikov and Michael Meadors. You may use this for personal use only. We reserve the right to withdraw or limit our release of personal use at any time. Commercial use is reserved.

eBay - Land The Game™     |     eBay - Land The Game™ Board     |     Glossary

eBay Rules Cards     |     shIT Happens Cards     |     VeRO Hell Cards     |     eBay - Land The Game™ Cards

and
are wholly owned subsidairies of eBay.
PayPal and Skype are trademarks of their respective companies.
The logos and trademarks of PayPal and Skype
are used without the express permission of either company.

  and     and     and  
are are registered trademarks of eBay.
The logos and trademarks of eBay
are used without the express permission of eBay.
(We can't imagine why anyone would want to trademark "Shop Victoriously")