Tabberone is pronounced tab ber won
not tay ber own

Tabbers Temptations     www.tabberone.com/Trademarks/ Home | Site Index | Disclaimer | Email Me!

Tabberone Logo
The latest Hartsel weather.

 

  "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"
Edmund Burke

e B a y - L a n d

T h e       G a m e
a parody

Welcome to the Alpha version of eBay - Land The Game™, the board game based upon the eBay selling and buying experience. This is presently an open-source board game. You are invited to suggest rules, playing pieces, board squares, bonus and penalty cards. Any suggestions accepted will add your name, or handle, to the list of developers and the game will be altered. Then you will officially become a FOTO (Friend Of TabberOne). Email your suggestions to Tabberone@hotmail.com. In the event similar suggestions are made by more than one contributor, the first one read by us will be accepted. Significant contributors will be sent a free copy of the game when we get it into production.

Just like eBay, eBay - Land The Game™ reserves the right to change the rules anytime we like without telling you. If you don't like it, tough apples, go play someplace else, like Yahoo-Land or Amazon-Land. Since this is a Alpha Version of the eBay experience, the game may "crash" at any time while you are playing it. There will not be any refund of any playing fees.

The object of the game is to win. The winner of the game automatically becomes a PINK with unlimited power. We can't tell you how to win; that information is proprietary.

Playing Pieces include small token replicas of:
  • Meg Whitman's corporate jet, with one tire flat and cracked windshield
  • VeRO vase, lop-sided, cracked, and it leaks
  • Bill Cobb's very bad hair-piece
  • Power Seller Mug for those who think it matters
  • Large Screw for serious eBay sellers
  • Yellow Button for those who don't want to use their email address
  • PEZ dispenser to remind eBay of what was successful and to go back to its roots
  • Tabberone pussycat which affords protection to the player who has it from all VeRO takedowns.
Playing pieces are to placed in a container and selected randomly by the players. The player with the lowest eBay feedback rating goes first.

If you do not have an eBay feedback rating, why are you even playing this game? Go buy or sell something on eBay and then come back and play. Our licensing agreement with you prohibits anyone without an eBay feedback rating from playing the game. Shoo! Go away or we will call the bored game police.

Cards:
  • When a moving player lands on any of the four corner squares or any other designated card draw square, a player opposite the moving player is to draw the appropriate card and read the information on the card. If the card presents a question, the player opposite is to read only the question and any multiple choices (if a question is on the card).
  • The moving player must answer any question correctly or suffer the penalty on the card.
  • If the drawn card presents the moving player with a future bonus, such as avoiding a VeRO takedown, the card is to be given to the moving player for future use or sale.
  • eBay - Land The Game Cards present fanciful situations and questions that are intended to amuse.
  • VeRO Hell Cards present actual VeRO situations and real trademark and copyright questions.
  • shIT Happens Cards deal with real eBay Happenings. We couldn't make this stuff up.
  • eBay Rules Cards test your knowledge of the many eBay rules and regulations.

Board Squares:
  • There are nine squares to a side with each side sharing the corner squares.

  • Begin is Square One. When a player lands on Square One after their first move, they collect money as indicated in Rule 1 below and draw an eBay Rules Card
  • Square Two: 10 Listing Day. Land here and you get $10.00 in eBay - Land The GameBucks.
  • Square Three: Turbo Lister. The latest upgrades have screwed everything up destroying your backups and delaying your listings. Roll the die again: if an even number the bank pays you $15.00 because you didn't upgrade; if an odd number you pay the bank $10.00 for uploading automatically without checking the boards.
  • Square Four: eBay Live! is in your area. If you plan to attend, pay the bank $10.00, otherwise the bank pays you $20.00.
  • Square Five (center square side one): shIT Happens Again!. Draw a card from the stack indicated.
  • Square Six: Feedback Hell. You receive a negative feedback. Add one neg to your feedback count. Once you get twenty (20) negs, you get a game suspension regardless of how much money you have accumulated. You will be reinstated when we feel like it and we don't have to tell you when that will be.
  • Square Seven: Power Seller Status is achieved. This and 75 cents at the Gas N Gulp will get you a cup of coffee.
  • Square Eight: Search Engine Upgraded and now your listings don't show up anywhere. Pay bank $10.00

  • Square Nine (first corner square): eBay - Land The Game Card Time! Draw one card and follow instructions on the card.
  • Square Ten: Non-Performing Seller Restriction. Your listings are cut 75% for a month. You lose your next turn.
  • Square Eleven: your horoscope says to go back two spaces.
  • Square Twelve: TBA
  • Square Thirteen (center square side two): you're IT! Roll the sh-IT Die and draw a card from the stack indicated.
  • Square Fourteen: eBay Changes Listing Rules and, next day, before you can change your listings, eBay terminates your auctions for listing violations. You pay bank $20.00.
  • Square Fifteen: on advice from eBay, you purchase at close-out Brand Name Stock to sell. eBay didn't tell you they restrict name brand listings and you are sitting on a lot of unmoveable merchandise that you can't return. You pay bank $20.00.
  • Square Sixteen: Latest Negative Feedback Removed because buyer NARU'd before ninety days. Bank pays you $10.00.

  • Square Seventeen (far corner square) is You've Been VeRO'd (also called VeRO Hell). Unless you have the Tabberone Playing Piece, you must stay on this square, drawing a new card each turn, until you:
    1. Buy your way out; first offense is pay the bank $25.00, second offense is pay the bank $100.00, third offense (or more) you are suspended from selling and the amount to buy your way out is proprietary. Every suspension by a player is logged.
    2. Roll the die, once each time when it is your turn, calling out the number and if the number comes up that you called, you are free.
    3. Repeat Offenders, if you cannot afford to buy your way out, or prefer to roll the die, there is leniency:
      • First-Time Offender, after two rolls of the die without getting free, call-out procedure is reversed; when it is your turn, call out the number and if the number doesn't comes up that you called, you are free.
      • Second-Time Offender, after four rolls of the die without getting free, call-out procedure is reversed; when it is your turn, call out the number and if the number doesn't comes up that you called, you are free.
      • Third-Time Offender, you just don't seem to learn, so, tough apples, stay there until you get the number you call.
    4. Use your Counter-VeRO card to get out immediately, or at any time you wish. You must then return the Counter-VeRO card to the bottom of the Card Deck.
    5. If the drawn VeRO Hell Card asks a question, answering the question correctly also gets you out of VeRO Hell.

  • Square Eighteen: Pump Your Feedback Up by selling 1 downloadable recipes; eBay doesn't care. People have been doing this for years and eBay has never stopped them. Bank pays you $10.00.
  • Square Nineteen: Drop Shipper Deal collapses when customs seizes his inventory. Your feedback plummets when merchandise fails to arrive. eBay suspends you even though eBay was warned about this shipper. Pay bank $20.00.
  • Square Twenty: Record Earnings for eBay means Meg Whitman gets a really big bonus as CEO; eBay raises fees to recoup, again. Pay bank $20.00.
  • Square Twenty-one (center square side three): IT's here! Roll the sh-IT Die and draw a card from the stack indicated.
  • Square Twenty-two: Feedback Hell. You receive a negative feedback. Add one neg to your feedback count. Once you get twenty (20) negs, you get a game suspension regardless of how much money you have accumulated. You will be reinstated when we feel like it and we don't have to tell you when that will be.
  • Square Twenty-three: eBay's Refer A Friend Program; you refer your ex who now is no longer speaking to you. Get bonus from bank of $20.00.
  • Square Twenty-four: Nothing Goes Wrong Day; nothing for you to complain about. Bank pays you $10.00.

  • Square Twenty-five (third corner square): shIT Happens Card. Draw one card and follow instruction on the card.
  • Square Twenty-six: Buyer files Item Not Received complaint with PayPal. You shipped with delivery confirmation and win the dispute. Bank pays you $10.00.
  • Square Twenty-seven: your horoscope says to go back two spaces, again. Boring horoscope you have.
  • Square Twenty-eight: eBay's Newsletter Helps you modify your business plan based upon such advice as your selling price must exceed your total costs. WOW! Bank pays you $10.00.
  • Square Twenty-nine (center square side four): IT's here! Roll the sh-IT Die and draw a card from the stack indicated.
  • Square Thirty: TBA
  • Square Thirty-one: Postal Rates Increased, again, you stay up all night changing your 1,500 store listings' shipping quotes. Pay bank $20.00
  • Square Thirty-two: PayPal Account Frozen for "review" by Paypal, eBay unable to collect seller's fees and suspends seller for non-payment. Pay bank $20.00.

View Playing Board, (Alpha Version).

Rules:
  • Every player begins with $500 in eBay - Land The Game™ bucks; however, after listing fees, final value fees, add-on fees, upgrade fees, gallery picture fees, and PayPal fees, you only begin with $200.00 in eBay - Land The GameBucks. This procedure is repeated every time a player lands on or passes through Begin without landing on it.
  • All players begin by placing their playing pieces on the starting square labeled Begin.
  • There are two dice in the game. The Game Die for advancing the player's piece is a standard die with a different number of spots on all six sides. The Special Hold IT die is used when a player lands any one of the four IT squares. (This die is called the "sh-IT Die" for short. sh-IT is pronounced as a two syllable word, "she-it", to avoid it being mistaken for something else.)
  • Before rolling the Game Die, the player must openly guess a number between 1 and 6. If that number comes up, the player loses that turn and does not advance. You are not a PINK so you cannot guess the number "7".
  • The player with the highest total eBay feedback value is the banker. If you do not have an eBay ID, either current or suspended, you cannot play this game.
  • Players under the age of 18 need parental supervision to play this game. This game is not a movie theater where they can do what they want.
  • If at any time during the game you pay for an item you do not receive, or receive an item which is defective, you may contact our Breach Of Trust and Lack of Security Department. Any reason is acceptable as long as the Seller has a paypal account. We will charge back the item to the Seller and refund your money. In order to keep our Breach of Trust and Lack of Security Department at maximum operating inefficiency, we will also charge a small fee of only twenty-eight percent of any amount refunded.
  • If a moving player lands on any of the Card squares, the player opposite that moving player draws one card and then follows the instructions on the card, returning the card to the bottom of the deck UNLESS that card allows the moving player to retain possession of the card for future use.
  • Here in eBay - Land The Game™ we reserve the right to ban the selling of any item at any time. We won't tell you what items are banned, nor will we impose the restrictions on everyone. We will only remove those banned listings which are reported by nasty harassing buyers. Any seller who can identify the reporting nasty buyer gets one free insertion fee as long as the item is listed for only 1 penny, has no reserve, and purchases the full gallery plus features. The one free insertion fee may not be used toward any item which we deem as banned. You as a seller must guess whether your item is banned. If you list a banned item, not only will we remove the free insertion fee, you agree to pay $50.00 to the Meg Whitman Vacation In Hawaii Fund.
  • At any time during the game, if any player utters the phrases (or any variations thereof) "That's not fair", or "Everyone else is doing it", or "eBay is not helping me", and a fellow player (not a spectator) reports you, a.k.a. "snitching", by announcing "I snitch", the player who whinned pays the snitch $20.00.
  • By sitting down to play eBay - Land The Game™, and selecting a game token, you are accepting the rules of this game. If you have actually read the complete rules of this game, get a life, will you?

eBay - Land The Game™ Commandments:
  • Thou shalt not take Tabberone's name in vain. Cursing the originator of the game is forbidden.
  • Tabberone is pronounced tab-ber-won, not tay-ber-own. Anyone who mispronounces Tabberone will be required to repeat 7th grade English.


This is not a licensed eBay or PayPal product. It is however, inspired by the antics of the staffs of both companies and real situations that have happened (we could not make up all of this, folks!). e B a y - L a n d T h e G a m e ™ (a parody) is not affiliated with or sponsored by eBay or PayPal. It is the sole creation of Tabberone with a little help from her friends. PayPal and IT are registered trademarks wholly owned by eBay, who, after acquiring MicroSoft, Boeing, Time-Warner, AOL, AT&T, the NFL, Disney, CBS, and GOOGLE, will seek world domination.

For those who might be slow to catch on, this is a Par-o-dy. We typed this   r-e-a-l   s-l-o-w   because lawyers may be reading this. All contents are © 2007 by Karen Dudnikov and Michael Meadors. You may use this for personal use only. We reserve the right to withdraw or limit our release of personal use at any time. Commercial use is reserved.


Contributors include Karen Dudnikov, Mike Meadors, Jose Cuervo, Bartlett & James, onlytheabsolutebest, magnoliasvintage, Leo M. Walters, Uncle Joe Adamson.


eBay - Land The Game     |     eBay - Land The GameBoard     |     Glossary

eBay Rules Cards     |     shIT Happens Cards     |     VeRO Hell Cards     |     eBay - Land The GameCards


and
are wholly owned subsidairies of eBay.
PayPal and Skype are trademarks of their respective companies.
The logos and trademarks of PayPal and Skype
are used without the express permission of either company.


  and     and     and  
are are registered trademarks of eBay.
The logos and trademarks of eBay
are used without the express permission of eBay.
(We can't imagine why anyone would want to trademark "Shop Victoriously")

General
Articles | Cease and Desist Letters | Federal Court Cases | FAQs & Whines | Glossary | Hall Of Shame | Contributions

Corporate Lawyers
Cartoons | Code Of Ethics | Courtroom Remarks | Definition Of A Lie | Jokes | Lawyers | Lying | Who Have Lied

eBay - Land The Game

Definitions

Trademark Definitions
Blurring   |   Confusion   |   Damages   |   Dilution   |   History   |   Initial Interest Confusion   |   Likelihood Of Confusion   |   Material Difference Standard
Parallel Imports   |   Post-sale Confusion   |   Puffery   |   Secondary Meaning   |   Subsequent Confusion   |   Trademark Abuse
Unauthorized Use   |   Unfair Competition   |   What is a Trademark?
Copyright Definitions
Angel Policies   |   Contributory Infringement   |   Copyrightability   |   Copyright Extortion   |   Copyright Misuse Doctrine   |   Derivative   |   The Digital Millennium Copyright Act   |  
EULA   |   Fair Use   |   First Sale Doctrine   |   Product Description   |   Registration   |   Registration Denied   |   What is a Copyright?   |   What is not Copyrightable?
Other Issues
Embroidery Designs   |   FAQs & Whines   |   Image and Text Theft   |   Licensed Fabric   |   Licensing & Licenses   |   Patterns   |   Patterns Index   |   Profit   |   Quilting
Selvage   |   Stanford School of Law Case Outline   |   Tabberone Disclaimer   |   Trademark Extortion   |   Urban Myths   |   What To Do If You Are Veroed

Federal Court Cases
Alphabetically | by Federal Circuit | by Subject | by Court Quotations

Federal Statutes
Copyright Act 17 U.S.C. 5 | Digital Millenium Copyright Act 17 U.S.C. 12 | Lanham Act 15 U.S.C. 22

Federal Lawsuits
Filing A Federal Lawsuit
Setting Up | Standing. | Joinder of Parties. | The Complaint | Their Answer | Default Judgment
F.R.C.P. 12(b) Motion | F.R.C.P. 12(f) Motion | Your Reply | Summary Judgment Motion | Affidavits | Time Extension

Defending Against A Federal Lawsuit
The Complaint | Your Answer | Denials | F.R.C.P. 12(b) Motion | F.R.C.P. 12(f) Motion | Affidavits | Time Extension

VeRO (Verified Right's Owner Program)
VeRO Commandments | VeRO-Verified Rights Owners Program | Counter Notice Letter
Counter Notice (pre-2003) | Counter Notice present | On-Line Survey from 2004 | Articles about VeRO | What To Do If You Are Veroed

Original material by Karen Dudnikov & Michael Meadors is © 1999-2016

A Cup Of Joe For A Joe
by Green Beans Coffee Company
Karen and Mike, also known to you as Tabberone, have been actively participating in various troop support programs for a number of years. An important one we have discovered and supported is one run by the Green Beans Coffee Company of Larkspur, California. The Green Beans Coffee Company runs coffee houses in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Middle East and at other US military bases around the world. Your donations are converted into email chits that are randomly given to military personal who are based near these coffee houses. You are then sent an email by Green Beans Coffee telling at what location your donation(s) was distributed. The military recipient of your donation is also given the opportunity to email you a thank you with a message, which many of them do.

Modern military deployment has changed very much since WWII, Korea and Vietnam. Back then there was no internet or cell phones. A soldier very rarely could call home or even go home on leave. But modern deployment does not alter the dangers they face. Green Beans Coffee is one of the little pleasures they can enjoy. Any donation makes a service man or service woman smile. We contribute every month.

More information is available at http://www.greenbeanscoffee.com/coj/index.php
We rarely link to other sites. It is a really good cause.