Bar Exam - test conducted by the bartender to determine if the lawyer has had too much to drink.

Bottom-Feeder - an opportunist who seeks quick profit usually at the expense of others or from their misfortune (e. g., corporate lawyers)

Branded Goods - generally a European court term for goods bearing trademarks.

Cease and Desist Letter - a device used by corporate lawyers to scare the beejezus out of unsuspecting people. Often called a C&D. A C&D cannot be used as the sole basis for a lawsuit. Many lawyers send C&Ds upon request from their clients without regard to the law and the facts of the case. These letters are intended for intimidation rather than results.

certiorari - [Latin] an order from a higher court to a lower court to send all the documents in a case to it so the higher court can review the lower court's decision.
Pronounced - sersh-oh-rare-ee, it is most often used in reference to the Supreme Court.

Code Of Ethics - a set of rules that are publicly given lip service by the profession in order to make the public believe that the profession is really interested in the well being of the public and not just themselves. Lawyers, doctors and politicians are the usual suspects here. The common thread here is these three occupations are self-regulating, self-defining, self-policing and self-important. The police and the military have civilian oversight: why not these three?

Collateral Estoppel - [legal] Where a judgment in one case prevents (estops) a party to that suit from trying to litigate the issue in another legal action. In effect, once decided, the parties are permanently bound by that ruling. There are many different types of estopple but they accomplish pretty much the same thing.

Complaint - usually the first step in a legal action. The complaint sets forth jurisdiction, the laws violated, then a basis for the complaint and then prays (asks) for specific relief. Once the complaint has been served, depending upon jurisdiction, the plaintiff has 120 days in which to serve the other party.

Congress - A collection of elected representatives who really only represent the desires of their constituents during the few months prior to the election. The rest of the time they raise money for reelection while pandering to the media.

Congressman - a Representative or Senator, whose job is to:

Detailed Star Ratings (“DSRs”) - (eBay) are closely related to the eBay feedback system. This simplistic but misused rating system allows the buyer to rate the seller in four areas:

DSRs are given on a scale of one to five with five being the highest. The score received for each category is shown as an average of total points received divided by number of sales, all from the last 12 months. eBay requires sellers to maintain at least a 4.3 average for each DSR by punishing sellers with lowered standing in search results or by restricting sellers from listing.

eBay Staffer - we believe is a minimum wage, under-trained person (there is some question about whether they are trained at all) who is expected to understand and implement the myriad of eBay rules, regulations and policies that even eBay's lawyers don't comprehend. That of course assumes that English is the staffer's primary language, not Hindi. And we don't believe that those are their real names on the emails. We're betting they have multiple names (and perhaps personalities) and they rotate through the names as they belatedly respond to emails.

Embroidery Software Protection Coalition (“ESPC”) - a coalition that we regard as a boiler-room scam owned and operated by the president of Bernina USA, Martin Favre, and his less-than-ethical attorney, Carole A. Faulkner. Their office “address” is a rent-a-box address in Bedford, Texas and they prey on the weak and helpless using copyright extortion tactics.

Equitable Defense - [legal] means a “fair” defense under the law. Some defenses are not considered “fair” and are not allowed (makes a court sound like a game, doesn't it?). “The Devil made me do it”, is not an equitable defense whereas the fact the parking meter was broken is. While the “dog ate my homework” might work in high school, the courts demand certain defenses. Failure to claim a defense in a timely manner can result is the forfeiture of that defense.

Equitable Servitude - [legal] an agreement or contract between two or more parties that limits their use of property, usually real estate. It is basically an agreement about terms of use and one party cannot impose these terms upon the other without their consent. For example, the restrictions printed on licensed fabrics is a unilateral equitable servitude, and therefore illegal, placed upon the use of the fabrics by the rights owner. See also licensed fabrics.

Etsy - a web site that caters to crafters seeking to sell their hand made items. Etsy appears to have fallen into the same CYA tactic as eBay concerning takedowns of listings. It is sad when a company lacks the fortitude to defend its customers rather that seeks the easy solution.

European Community (“EC”) - the political alliance of many different people who dislike each other but have realized they must unite politically in order to compete economically globally. They still don't like each other.

European Court of Justice (“ECJ”) - the court system for the EC.

European Union (“EU”) - the economic entity designed to unite Europe into one big market with free trade and economic stability. Good luck there.

Exclusive rights - those rights reserved under law solely for trademark, patent and copyright owners. Far too many rights owners think that this means they have the exclusive right to use whatever is registered in any manner they wish. Corporate lawyers feed off this ignorance like piranha after a carcass. These rights have exceptions commonly referred to as “fair use” which are ignored by corporate lawyers. (See fair use and first sale doctrine).

Extortion - Obtaining money or property by threat, intimidation, or false claim of a right. Some corporate law firms and some cyber cops are using extortion to collect monies based upon threats of legal action and exaggerated claims of liability in trademark and copyright infringement. They demand money for alleged minor offenses or they will sue and usually the money demanded has little relation to the damage alleged.

False Positive - in eBayLand, this is when a seller uses the mandatory positive feedback to leave a negative statement, such as, “Good buyer if you don't mind waiting 42 days for payment”. We believe eBay has done this because the feelings of buyers are so sensitive. Sellers cannot say anything that might hurt the feelings of buyers.

First Sale Doctrine - a recognized limitation to the exclusive rights of IP owners. It is written in as part of copyright law and is also recognized by the courts concerning patents and trademarks. Basically it says that once the IP owner sells the item the IP owner relinquishes any further control over how the item is used or resold.

Fitzpatrick, Cella, Harper & Scinto - New York law firm that represented M&M/Mars when they sued Tabberone in 2002. Our first C&D letters came from them. Leslie K Mitchell and Victoria J.B. Doyle (we call them Bitch1 and Bitch2) launched the attack that began the fight.

Grey Goods - genuine goods that are imported into the country usually without the permission of the manufacturer. It is perfectly legal in the U.S. as long as the goods are not materially different from those being sold in the U.S.

Handle - an assumed nickname under which people buy and sell on the internet. While many people prefer to remain anonymous when on the internet, we have no problem letting people know who we are.

Intellectual Property (“IP”) - generally includes copyrights, trademarks, and patents.

Interrogatories - [legal] part of the discovery process. They are a set of written questions to a party to a lawsuit asked during the discovery process. The answers will often be long and verbose, claiming to be unlikely to provide usable evidence, and often do not answer the original question until after Motions To Compel is filed. Corporate lawyrs are found of making a simple request for information into a complex proceeding. But then, they bill by the hour, don't they?

Internet - also called the “World Wide Web”, was discovered by Al Gore as he descended Mount Sinai with two large stone tablets containing the outline of “Love Story” that he was commanded to give Erich Segal. In return, Segal made a generous contribution to Gore's re-election. The internet was a revelation by Gore as he walked across the water to deposit Segal's check.

Internet provider - a company, like eBay, Twitter, or Face Book, that allows other to use the computer space they provide, either free or for a fee.

Initial interest confusion - in trademark law that is the act of diverting traffic from a genuine trademarked item or web site to another for the purpose of diverting sales.

Keyword - a word used to direct attention. Keywords are often embedded in meta tags to alert search engine robots to use those words as identifiers when someone is seeking information. Improper use of keywords, such as using trademarked names, to divert traffic for commercial purposes is called initial interest confusion and is infringing.

Keyword spamming - a method of using words to divert traffic. Some sellers will include in their listing a phrase like, “See my other auctions for more fine items made by Gucci, Chanel, Winston Cup and Jack Daniel” while selling an American Widget. eBay will cancel listings found to contain keyword spamming or imagined keyword spamming.

Kinsella Weitzman Iser Kump & Aldisert LLP - the law firm representing Merle Norman Cosmetics that claimed reselling unopened Merle Norman cosmetics violated FDA regulations. Jennifer McGrath is guilty in particular. We have repeatedly stated that this false accusation is perjury by Jennifer McGrath and her law firm who has explicit knowledge of her lies. But the Bar Association will never take action. Lie, lady, lie.

Law School - where student lawyers learn the technique of proper client billing, weasel wording and how to lie in legal jargon. Constitutional law is not mandatory and sleeping through ethics is.

Legal fees - what a lawyer charges in order to cover such expenses as his boat, mistress, country club membership, etc. Consider this: a new, color television set in 1960 cost considerably less than a new flat-screen color TV does today and today's TV sets have larger screens, better color, and many more advantages. That is called technology. Yet lawyers fees continue to climb in an era of computers where documents no longer are required to be typed, spell check is automatic, paging and inserts are routine, and there are templates for these documents and for many arguments. And, lawyers can file on-line without having to set foot in the courthouse. And lawyer fees continue to spiral out of sight. Why?

Licensed Fabric - licensed fabric means the fabric is licensed by the rights owner to be manufactured and sold. It does not mean the fabric is licensed at the time it is sold nor does it mean it is sold with a restriction on the use of the fabric.

Listing - offering something for sale, usually on eBay or another internet sales site. eBay expanded its site by offering sellers “internet stores” where they could sell items for a fixed price with an indefinite listing (called “good till canceled” or “GTC”).

Material Alteration - changing an item in such a way as to make it more desirable to a potential buyer. It can invalidate the first sale doctrine protections provided to the purchaser.

Material Difference - the difference between imported items (grey goods) and those being sold in the U.S. A material difference can be grounds for blocking the importation of the items.

Matter of Law - [legal] whereby an issue is decided by the court as opposed to being decided by a jury. For example, whether or not something is a parody is an issue decided by the court and not subject to a jury's interpretation.

mens rea - [Latin] Most serious crimes require some degree of mens rea. This holds that one's actions are not criminal unless one has a "guilty mind." In other words, one must appreciate to some degree that one is committing a legal wrong while engaged in that wrong.

Meta Tags - embedded web page code that provides information to your browser about that web oage. Meta tags are generally invisible to you but are used by the browser to determine page title, contents, author, etc.

Leslie K. Mitchell - formerly with Fitzpatrick, Cella, Harper & Scinto, the New York law firm that represented M&M/Mars when they sued Tabberone in 2002. She was our first C&D. We have fond memories of Les. We call her Bitch 1 and we call Vicki Doyle Bitch 2.

Moral Rights - an idiotic concept recognized in Europe concerning copyrights. The artist or author retains “moral rights” in the work which gives them certain control over the work even after they have sold it. In our opinion, a foolish thing to allow.

Morrison & Foerster LLP - a law firm with whom we have tangled several times. Major League Baseball Properties were represented by them.

Passing The Bar -something no lawyer can do during "happy hour".

Politically Correct - The act of being nice to people you cannot normally tolerate. It is also used by minority groups to accuse majority groups of being insensitive, racist and unethical while indulging in those same acts.

prima facie (pronounced pree ma face ee), [Latin] an expression meaning on its first appearance, or by first instance; at first sight. In law, it denotes evidence which on its face would be sufficient to prove a particular proposition or fact.

pro per and pro se - [Latin] short for "I," which is Latin for "for oneself". It means representing oneself in court instead of using a lawyer. Judges and lawyers hate this. While it is one's right, they would rather you support the legal system by hiring a lawyer.

pro se bias - what judges have against those who represent themselves in court. Virtually all judges were practicing attorneys at one time and they sympathize with the attorneys, whether intentionally or not. While court rules claim that being pro se cannot be held against a person, few judges really accord pro se litigants any credibility. One reason for this bias is that the great majority of pro se pleadings come from inmates who are often just taking up the court's time and resources.

PowerSeller - a status symbol created by eBay as a form of recognition for higher producing sellers.

Precious Moments - Precious Moments v La Infantil, 1997, (D.P.R.) 971 F.Supp. 66. The only federal decision we have found that addresses the use of licensed fabrics to make and sell items. Precious Moments sued to stop La Infantil from buying their fabric, sewing it into bedding and then selling it in their store. The court ruled the first sale doctrine prevented Precious Moments from taking action.

Proprietary - The dictionary meaning for proprietary is something that is secret or privileged. When this term is used by the eBay staffer it means “we have no idea what we are doing and you want us to tell you?" When the eBay staffers are asked to justify a statement or decision that is contradictory to eBay rules, practices, or common logic, they declare that information to be proprietary. eBay staffers use it to evade the truth: there is no logical or legal basis for their answer because the answer they gave was pulled out of their collective ass.

Putrid Plecostomus Award - given to those lawyers and law firms who a sunk to greater depths below and beyond the lowest for the profession.

Retainer - 1) a device used by teenagers to straighten teeth, 2) something a corporate lawyer uses as a down payment on his next sports car.

Rights Owner - owner of a trademark, patent or copyright.

scènes à faire, doctrine of - [Latin] The phrase “scènes à faire” is French for “scenes that must be done.” Originally used by French drama critics to mean “obligatory scenes,” or those scenes that the audience must have, that if left out of the drama would cause major disappointment or plot failures.

The doctrine of scènes à faire has evolved from an obscure tenet of dramatic criticism into a legal theory under which courts may hold that certain expression is not entitled to copyright protection. Specifically, courts understand scènes à faire to mean scenes that are “necessary” or “must” be included in a given context, scenes that are “standard” or “stock,” or scenes that “flow naturally” from an unprotectable basic plotline.

Secondary Market - this covers many internet sales, flea markets, collector's meets, and newspaper want ad listings. It has two components: unused and used. The unused are people selling products from bankruptcy, gifts and close out sales. The used are crafters, collectors and people selling items they no longer want. Many companies interfere with the secondary market even though they have already received fair compensation for the item. Generally their purpose is to push potential purchasers to an unsold product so they can have more profit. They collectively deny their purpose usually by claiming they are trying to protect the public.

Selvage - the unfinished edge of fabric. On this edge manufacturers print copyright statements and other information. Many manufacturers falsely claim the fabric is sold for non-commercial home use only in attempt to discourage home crafters. These restrictions on the selvage have no legal status and cannot legally restrict the use of the fabric. See licensed fabrics.

Snitch Program - unofficial name for eBay's self-reporting program. eBay internally refers to snitches as a trusted reporter. We believe most snitches are competitors or some one who is holding a grudge. The acronym for this program is SniP. If your listings are terminated because of a snitch, eBay will not tell you the name of the person who reported you nor will eBay give you the exact reason your listing was terminated. eBay will tell you that you must get a subpoena for that information and then eBay will fight the subpoena.

Steptoe & Johnson - a Washington, D.C. based law firm that represented Major League Baseball Properties when we sued MLBP.

Strategic Intellectual Property Information ("SIPI") - an India-based cyber cop that appears to represent mostly European clients. We do not consider them very reliable as their web site was infected with a virus that was transmitted to browsers.

Takedown -usually where the rights owner tells the internet provider (eBay, etc) that a listing violates their rights. The internet provider then usually terminates the listing or orders the seller to remove it or it will be removed for them. Increasingly, eBay is removing listing on its own when under-trained eBay staffers somehow determine a listing violates one of the hundreds of eBay rules. We really believe the method of determination by the eBay staffers involves a dart board and intoxicants.

Trademark Abuse - where the trademark owner falsely claims infringement where there is none.

Trademark Extortion - the threat of legal action for trademark infringement unless the alleged infringer pays a fine and costs.

Trademark Misuse - where the trademark owner uses trademark law to prevents others from legitimately using a similar but unconfusing name. Monster Cable is a perfect example of a trademark abuser.

Trusted Reporter - an official eBay snitch whom eBay will not identify and will rarely acknowledge even exists.

The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth - something corporate lawyers could not find even with GPS.

Unauthorized Use - See Authorized.

Unconscionable - referring to a contract or bargain which is so unfair to a party that no reasonable or informed person would agree to it. In a suit for breach of contract, a court will not enforce an unconscionable contract (award damages or order specific performance) against the person unfairly treated, on the theory that he/she was misled, lacked information or signed under duress or misunderstanding. It is similar to an "adhesion contract," in which one party has taken advantage of a person dealing from weakness. The eBay user agreement, with its required acceptance of all eBay polices and conditions, is an example of what we would call an unconscionable contract.

UnPaid Item (“UPI”) - a complaint where the buyer has not responded to requests to pay for the item. The present resolution process requires the seller to wait weeks before getting fees and commissions credited to their account. After a seller files a UPI, it is not uncommon for buyers to leave negative feedback or reduced star ratings.

Urban Myth - common but not factual beliefs. Most are based upon gullibility. In many cases the "lie" is somewhat believable and in other cases people simply want to believe it is true when common sense tells them otherwise. One such urban myth that we hear often is the claim that Disney went into a woman's home, seized her sewing machine, and made her pay $75,000 in damages for making and selling something with Disney fabric.

Vulcan - the home world of Vulcans, the most well-known of which is Mr. Spock, First Officer of the Starship Enterprise (Star Trek). Known for being very logical and unemotional. Inherently honest, Vulcans would not make very good corporate lawyers.

Willfulness - a qualifier under the law that applies to the penalty one receives for infringement. Willful infringement means you knew, or reasonably should have known, you were infringing. “Should have known” is generally liberally applied by the courts in favor of the non-rights owner.

Without Authorization - See Authorized

Work At Home Moms (“WAHM”) - a growing segment of small internet sellers who are home-based, trying to earn a living or extra income from the internet.