Red Monkey Designs
Hall Of Shame Member
Added April 10, 2006

Their website is www.redmonkeydesigns.com. They sell over-priced jeans, watches, bags, cuffs, guitar straps and what appears to be other over-priced slock for simple-minded people who belive high prices are the sign of high quality.

Red Monkey Designs has been added to the Tabberone Hall of Shame becuse they seem to be run by a group of apple-brained morons who haven't the foggiest idea what is really going on. Maybe their jeans are too tight and restricting the flow of blood to their brains. Most would appear to be men since much of their on-line symbolism for their products include bare-breasted women who have no relation to the product being sold.

Let's go into some detail about what we speak.

Seems an eBay seller listed USA Original Rockford Red Heel SOCK for MONKEY & Toys. These are socks made by Nelson Knitting out of Rockford, Illinois. As the listing suggests, these Red Heel socks would be great for making a sock Monkey and instructions for that are included. The idiots at Red Monkey shut down the auction for using the words Red and Monkey in the title and description. Hello, Morons! You don't own the words Red and Monkey except when used together to describe YOUR goods!

If Red Monkey were making and selling a line of sock monkeys we might agree that they would have some cause for looking closely at the auction, but they don't. And from what we can devine, they never looked closely at the auction, otherwise smarter heads would have prevailed.

When the seller inquired of Red Monkey as to why the auction was terminated, the seller received an automated, asinine and totally wacked out Cease & Desist email that would be more laughable if it weren't so pathetic and a dangerous sign of the abject stupidity behind some corporations, including Red Monkey.

The automated idiotic email never stated HOW the seller was infringing. The email rambles on about trademark rights without offering the recipient any clue as to what cuased the problem. Red Monkey could take the time to order eBay to terminate the auction but not the decency and time to give the alleged infringer a civil email or an explanation of what caused the Notice Of Claimed Infringement ("NOCI") to be sent to eBay. Maybe the yo-yo's at Red Monkey are too busy soaking up the California sun to conduct real business.

The bombastic email threatened disgorgement of all your profits, injunctive relief, seizure and destruction of all goods that violate our Red Monkey trademark rights, our attorneys' fees, costs, treble damages and so forth. A bit of over-kill that added to them being stuck on stupid since the seller was not infringing.

Then, just to show they weren't finished displaying an incredible new high in stupidity, they said:

"If you nevertheless wish to communicate further on this matter, you must send a letter by mail on your company or personal letterhead signed by you to our trademark attorneys",

followed by the attorney's address, and then followed by:

"No other communications, or forms of communications, from you will be accepted or responded to, whether by telephone, e-mail, fax or otherwise. You may not reply to this message and any other e-mails to any other addresses will not be replied to. No telephone calls will be accepted or will be terminated at the outset."

What? They will only allow you to communicate with them in writing? Telephone calls will be "terminated"? Arrogant bastards, aren't they?

It seems some yo-yo named Torry Pendergrass owns Red Monkey and his excellancy apparently took some precious seconds out of his lordship's day to also email the seller a followup email that precisely proved that the people at Red Monkey had their heads so far up their collective asses that they were using their armpits for eyeholes. He states in his email:

Again, for those you who are confused: This is not a case of whether you are selling legitimate jeans or not.

Hello? Tory, the seller was selling socks made by Nelson Knitting out of Rockford, Illinois, not over-priced jeans made by you! One web site touting your schlock, by using what appears to be your news release, quotes you as saying, "Lack of knowledge inspires me". Wow! Every morning, when you look in the mirror, you must be greatly inspired. Your lack of knowledge is beyond inspiring.

What Red Monkey doesn't say is that they were using automated software that keyed on the words Red and Monkey and the idiots in the office didn't proof-read before contacting eBay with a NOCI to terminate the auction. That means they couldn't possibly have a good faith belief as required by the DMCA for shutting down the auction and are therefor liable for damages under USC 512(f).

Now we turn to their attorney. What flaming legal moron would allow their name to be attached to such a hideous email? Seems one Crystal A. Zarpas, Esq. of Mann & Zarpas, LLP, of Sherman Oaks, California certainly did.

We can only speculate as to what type of counsel would not only consent to being the attorney for Red Monkey but to also allow their name to be on such an inane email as sent by Red Monkey? No one we would reccomend hiring, even pro bono.